Happy Birthday Benny!

I have a funny story for my little brother's birthday today! He's such a shit head and has always been! I mean that in the most endearing of terms, but anyone who knows Benny knows he can really push buttons and he's been that way his whole life. I can't tell you how many times we nearly killed one another as children and teenagers, or better yet, how many times my mother has wanted to kill him! One time she chased him through the house with a cast iron skillet that she had every intention of bashing his head with! I said, "Mom! You are going to hurt him!" To which she said, "Hurt him? I'll F*cking Kill him!!!!". We still can't help but wrestle and mess around when we see each other now... it is quite pathetic!

Needless to say, nobody has successfully killed him, and to be quite honest we never would dare to dream about it, because he's a great man and a great brother all the way around. He's made it another year and has lived 28 years on this planet so far! Congrats brother! Ok, enough of the lovey dovey family ass kissing stuff... lets get to the dirt!!! Mu ha ha ha ha (evil laugh)

The story: When we were teenagers, oh let's say I was 17-ish and he was 15-ish, we used to fight every day. He was the kind of brother that would wait until mom left for work then sit right next to you and put his leg on top of yours, or steal the remote, or just do some amazingly annoying thing or another to get you pissed off. Then the mouth would start flapping, flap, flap, flap, flap, flap, until all you wanted to do was make sure he didn't have a mouth to flap with! That was his button pushing... and he'd say the nastiest things to you until he could sense you were going to physically and violently hurt him....then he'd run for it! The funny part is that it happened the same way every time. I'd get a few good shots in on him before he ducked into the bathroom and put his feet against the bathtub and his back against the door. This position guaranteed him temporary safety because the only way you could get to him was by breaking down the door, which you didn't dare do. So he would sit in the bathroom like that for hours...still talking shit! Sometimes I'd leave the room for a while, then sneak back to the door and catch him off guard and scare him, but he would always make it back into barrier position! Eventually, he'd get tired of being in there, or hungry (most likely scenario) and he'd start making plea bargains so you wouldn't beat the crap out of him! Looking back at it now makes me laugh so hard! Despite the antics, we always stuck up for one another and always will. You are a great brother and friend! Happy Birthday! I had to call you out! ha ha ha. Love, Your always BIG BROTHER, Jeremy